Home > Family > So Sad

I’ve never written much about my personal life other than what I’m cooking or where I’m going, but I have no idea what to do with myself right now. I’m hoping that writing this, as depressing as it may be, will be therapeutic somehow. Or, maybe some of you can relate and know that you’re not alone?

I’m not sure what else to say except that this is the week that I was supposed to announce to you all, excited to announce to you all, that I am pregnant. We celebrated the end of our first trimester in Destin two weekends ago, shared our exciting news with family, and I couldn’t wait to start showing a little more of my baby bump for a “What I’m Wearing” outfit post.

Two years of trying, countless trips to a specialist in Jacksonville at 7:00 am over two hours away, 4 inseminations, 2 IVFs, over 100 shots, boxes of medication {pills, patches, and every other form of medication you can think of}, the help of an amazing counselor {to help me through my fear of medicine and my depression of not being able to get pregnant} and finally… we got a positive pregnancy test.

That was 3 months ago and it all came to a screeching halt when I lost the baby on Friday. Nothing could have prepared me for that moment. We’d made it past the first trimester. This wasn’t supposed to happen, and not after everything we’ve been through! Earlier that week, I saw fingers and toes, arms and legs, and heard a heartbeat for the first time ever. All of our efforts and tears were for that beautiful baby we saw on the ultrasound monitor. Our baby! Now, only a week later, I’m feeling a little lonely without that little baby inside of my belly.

After everything we’ve been though, I still somehow someway know that it’s not all for nothing. I have faith! I really do! I just know that our prayers will be answered someday and that’s what’s keeping me going right now.

It’s not going to be easy getting back to business as usual. Since we went through IVF, I knew the exact date I’d be {hopefully} getting pregnant. The weekend before, I went blond to blend with my gray roots knowing I couldn’t dye my hair the first trimester and did 12 manis {3 months worth} in one weekend to stock up on Manicure Mondays. The lemon/lime mani was my first mani back as it marked the end of my first trimester, just two weeks ago.

I’ve been blogging over at TheLooksForLess.com for 3 years now, and part of the reason I started this blog is so that I could write about more than just budget + fashion including my love for cooking, manicures and DIY projects. Over time, with everything I’ve been going through, the idea of this blog became more and more important to me. I thought it would be nice to reach out to other friends that I know are going through the same thing, but with that said, I’m wondering if I’ll have the nerve to hit publish on a post so personal.

I’m not sure if I’ll blog more out of desperate need for a distraction, or less because it is so hard to concentrate right now. You all may have to bear with me while I attempt to get it together. canada goose sale canada goose sale

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